Please don't favorite personal or rant journals.. It's not appreciated or welcomed by me.
It's been forever since I was on here.
And I feel both guilty and (oddly) relieved about that. For a long time, my life revolved around dA. I'd stay up late at night chatting with dA friends, I'd skip classes to work on dA commissions, I'd forgo personal art to work on things JUST for dA, I'd get emotional over drama on here... deviantArt both added and depleted from my quality of life. My friends on here were- and are amazing. They're people who are supporting, loving, and overall just fabulous. I'm blessed to have known them. But the drama on here, as well as the stress that this website induces in artists- wasn't really healthy for me. I'd cry over messages critiquing my work, I'd sweat bullets over commissions on here- I still owe a few of them, even after all of this time. I'd get so stressed by this website, I'd reached a point where I couldn't sleep and yet couldn't finish what I owed. It was a depressive slump that was a downward spiral.
And so I simply became a coward and dropped off the face of the earth. Literally. I stopped responding to messages, and checking dA. I let the stress of commissions simply fade into white noise while I avoided them.
Which was horrible of me. It still IS horrible of me.
I focused on school. On my life. On my future. Which is selfish but at the same time- really important. I finally started working on Kaydee instead of just Kennadee. And for once to not be worried about dA... was really refreshing.
After all this time... I find myself missing it here. I miss my friends- horribly. I miss seeing them improve, and laughing with them over OCs, and yes, even the dA drama. I miss drawing. Admittedly, working on sewing 24/7 is fulfilling- but there's a deep chasm in my life that can't seem to be filled except by illustration- and dA was something that helped me fill that. The stress this website creates can be healthy, I suppose. The deadlines that art trades and commissions created forced me to draw everyday- which honestly really is the key to improving your art.
And so... I've decided that once I've finished my work here in the "real world", I'm going to re-enter the deviantArt one. I still have all the information on the commissions I owe- and I fully intend to finish them, once and for all. "Belated" doesn't even begin to cover how overdue they are- but hopefully it'll not only clear my guilty conscience, but also allow me to finally follow through on my word.
I look forward to seeing you all again.